Bright Consultancy

Choosing Your Ideal Business Mentor

The subject of mentoring has come up several times in conversation this week. I’ve been with clients – ambitious rising talents in their organisations – discussing the importance of selecting the right mentor. And I’ve been fortunate to spend time with my mentor, Maureen Simon, who has fostered the development of my business for many years.

Mentoring is different from coaching, and I thought it might be worth offering a few thoughts on the mentoring relationship. Both coaching and mentoring offer the client support and assistance with defining goals, career direction, and success measures.  However, in a mentoring relationship the assumption is that the mentor has experience, wisdom, and insight that will be helpful to the end client.  A coach, on the other hand, doesn’t offer advice – coaching operates on the assumption that the client already has all the resources they need, they may just need a little help locating them.

When you’re looking for a mentor, choose someone who has been where you want to go, and got there in a way that you like.  Find someone you can easily develop a great rapport with.  And look for someone with clarity about what mentoring is all about.  Ideally, you aren’t looking for someone who has all the answers and will tell you what to do.  As with a coach, you’re looking for someone who gets how you think, and who will act as a touchstone for your developing work.  When you connect with them, you should gain confidence and clarity. And they should thoroughly enjoy supporting you.

If you’re a coach looking for business mentoring, I may be able to help. Email me to find out how you can grow your business easily.

Recognising Talent and Expertise

Last week I spent a day with the remarkable Philippa Pride, an accomplished book editor and life coach, who is guiding me through the process of writing my first book and getting it published. With us was another writer, currently working on an amazing novel. The day was extraordinarily stimulating and it caused me to reflect on the importance of working with our natural talents.

Philippa has many years experience as an editor, and of coaching writers to produce their best possible work .  Watching her give feedback to my colleague, I felt astonished by the depth of her perceptiveness and the skill with which she deployed her expertise.  It was one of those extraordinary moments when you realise that something remarkable is happening – you are witnessing someone operating from their core genius, through the filter of many years of practice and application.

And what about the writer? Well, his natural talent shines off the page.  Coupled with his desire to refine and improve his work, I’m certain we’ll be seeing his book on the shelves soon.

The experience of watching Philippa’s genius – natural flair for editing coupled with a high level of competence – alongside a writer’s latent talent got me thinking about how talent and expertise are treated in business life.

It’s common for large corporates to promote people into roles that don’t suit their natural gifts, in order to ‘develop’ them or ‘broaden’ their skills. Yet most of us don’t need more ‘development’ or a raft of new ‘skills’ – we need more encouragement to become exceptional in the deployment of our natural strengths.  When people struggle to achieve in areas outside of their natural competence, massive internal conflicts result.  Confidence is lost as individuals begin to suspect that they are ‘not good enough’ or ‘don’t have what it takes’.  Compare this discouragement to the exhilaration felt when an individual plays to their strengths.  Which delivers the most benefit to the overall organisation?

The next time you witness genius in action, comment on it. Encourage people to express more of what they’re best at. Then sit back and watch the magic.

Achieve GREATer Happiness in 5 Steps!

I read a fascinating article recently about research into happiness.  Scientists have identified that day to day happiness is a simple formula that has 5 ingredients. The good news is that all 5 are within our control.

G – Giving

R – Relating to others

E – Exercise

A – Attending to the world around us

T – Teaching ourselves something new

As you consider this list, what stands out for you? Do you do some of these automatically every day, but not others? Are any of them missing in your life? If so, how might you make space for them?

Notice how all 5 of these elements are measureable – you either do them daily or you don’t.  None of them require something external or material: more money, new car, promotion, a holiday etc.  The 5 are all your internal choices about how you live your life.

A coaching tip: why not write GREAT at the top of your daily plan, and tick off each letter as it’s achieved?

Got the Blues?

Today, I noticed that a number of my coaching clients seemed a little down.  Some of them shared downright sadness.  Since I’ve been feeling a little down myself, it got me wondering if there’s something in the air today (apart from pollen!) creating a collective case of the blues.

Many people struggle to accept ‘difficult’ feelings and vulnerability.  My corporate clients, in particular, tend to chastise themselves for feeling ‘negative’ feelings. They urge themselves to ‘snap out of it’ ‘get over it’ or define their attitude as ‘bad’ or ‘not good enough’.  This self criticism has the opposite result of what’s intended – it drives a fault finding, unkind, unresourceful state.

Getting angry with yourself is one way to shift the blues, but I’m not sure it’s an improvement.  Difficult feelings are an opportunity for us to practice self kindness and increase self acceptance. After all, feelings are neither ‘positive’ nor ‘negative’, they just are.  Contrasting emotions are part of the experience of being alive, and they are nothing to run away from.

The next time you’ve got the blues, slow down. Pay attention. What are your feelings trying to tell you?

NLP Tip: Pacing Yourself for Better Concentration and Productivity

This short video clip explores the NLP concept of ‘pacing’.  You can use your understanding of pacing to improve your concentration, be more productive, and effectively influence other people.  In the video, I share practical examples from my own coaching practice to illustrate how pacing works. 

Please let me know what you think!

How to Really Enjoy Daily Life

About a year ago, I went for a walk with a group of friends on a Sunday afternoon.  I arrived for the walk tired and frazzled from the long car journey and preoccupied by my own thoughts.  A friend had brought her young daughter with her to the walk, and this child transformed my day in lasting ways.

She was curious about everything, stopping every few steps to examine leaves, stones, small plants, and insects.  She made stories out of what she was observing, speculating about why things were as they were.  She had boundless energy and enthusiasm for new things, even when they were very similar to things she’d seen a moment before.

This wonderful, childish delight got me thinking about how easy it is to take things for granted.  As adults, we tend to be very busy thinking about things.  We hold imaginary conversations in our heads, and wander through life thinking about what we’ll be doing next rather than noticing where we are – even if it’s exactly like where we just were.  When we do this, we miss out on the pleasures of daily life that are all around us.

I was reminded of this today because we’ve recently moved, and there is a lot to get used to in our new area.  We live in the New Forest, which has ponies, cows, and donkeys roaming on common land outside our front door.  On one of the first days here, I was utterly delighted by a group of Shetland ponies, with babies, who walked past my kitchen window.  I stopped what I was doing and enjoyed watching the animals, thinking how lucky I was.  Yet today I drove past them and hardly noticed they were there.

Our minds are so adaptive that they quickly get used to ‘the norm’, even when ‘the norm’ changes.  I’d like to keep my pleasure in living next to these wonderful animals.  So, I’m resolved to be more like my friend’s child: inquisitive, delighted, and enchanted by every day life.

Magnify Your Business and Watch it Grow

Last week I had a long and interesting conversation with my friend and fellow coach Paul Zelizer.  I always value Paul’s wisdom about the true heart of success in business and this call was no exception.  It has provoked profound reflection that has lasted all weekend.

Paul and I spent a lot of time talking about the elusive nature of business success that is ‘out there’.  So many of us construct our business goals, and our success, on a ‘bigger is better’ basis.  We invest our time, money, and energy overstretching ourselves attempting to vastly increase our businesses so that we’ll be more successful.  In doing so, we tend to create a contrast between where we are now in our business and where we think we’d like to be.  We construct success as an ultimately unattainable goal, floating on the horizon, firmly out of reach.

Even if you’re not a business owner, you can probably relate to this kind of thinking.  Business owners have a tendency towards this ‘never enough’ thinking.  It promotes overwork, lack of balance, and feelings of guilt when the natural desire for rest arises.

On our call, Paul shared his recent learning about the importance of really enjoying the business we already have.  He talked about the deep wisdom of being deeply rooted in where we are right now, and into whatever success is today.

It’s so easy, isn’t it, to want more? Instead, why don’t we place our focus on everything we have already?  In coaching, we talk about how you get more of what you focus on.  What do you already have that you would like more of? Place your attention on it like a magnifying glass, and watch it grow.

In Memory of Geoff

Yesterday was the anniversary of the untimely death of my dear friend Geoff Guy.  Once again, I found that I spent the day with Geoff, and his lasting legacy, on my mind.

If you are reading this blog post, it’s because of Geoff.  Many years ago, when I was so unhappy in a conventional job, Geoff encouraged me to discover and pursue my own work.  He had immense (possibly misplaced!) confidence in my abilities as an entrepreneur.  Of everyone I knew at the time, apart from my husband he did the most to actively, practically encourage me to leave work and start my own business.  He was a successful and experienced business owner, and promised to mentor me and support me as I learned how to create and run a business.  Because I knew I had – and would have – Geoff’s help, I eventually gained enough confidence to resign from my full time job and salary, and walk away from the career I’d spent many years building.

There’s a secret within this blog post though – yesterday was also the anniversary of my last day in a ‘real’ job.  I remember spending the day feeling panicky and excited about the future all at the same time.  I sat at my desk wondering how I could possibly survive saying goodbye to my colleagues.  That night, Geoff died suddenly and unexpectedly.  It was a terrible blow to everyone who knew and loved him.  I sat up all night in shock, and only much later began to wonder what this loss meant to my fledgling plans for a business.

In the end, I began my business without Geoff’s help.  Oddly, I’ve always felt him near me.  If you’ve seen me carrying a battered briefcase, it’s Geoff’s – he goes with me wherever I go.  And I hope he’s proud of what I’ve achieved.

I miss Geoff immensely – his keen intellect, quick wit, his delight in the good things in life – a glass of wine and a barbeque.  I miss receiving the love he had for me and especially for my husband, who loved him like a father.  I miss the many good times we had together along with his wife, my great friend Moira.  I miss arguing with him about politics.  Against my better judgment, I even miss the way he loved Jeremy Clarkson and read the Daily Mail.

I raised a glass in a toast to my enduring business mentor Geoff last night.  Do me a favour, and join me in wishing him well, wherever he may be.  And spare a thought for his family, missing him still.

6 Ways to Make a Bad First Impression

Are your non verbal communication skills letting you down?  Most of us know what it’s like to mess up something important, like a job interview or presentation.  Sometimes, we don’t know exactly how we messed it up, or what to do about it.  This excellent video demonstrates six ways we tend to screw up with our non verbal communication when we are trying to make a first impression.  All six examples are of non verbal skills – HOW we communicate rather than WHAT we say.

The video shows the amazing Michael Grinder, the world’s leading thinker on the micro aspects of non verbal communication.  Michael’s skill at decoding the nuts and bolts of communication, and his talent for showing you what he means, is without parallel.

I studied with Michael Grinder for two years and his thinking underpins all the work I do on communication skills development. Take a look at the video and let me know what you think! Do you recognise yourself as Michael demonstrates these six examples of non verbal communication?

Handling Change and the Unexpected

Recently I thought I’d learned a lot about being flexible and handling the unexpected curveballs life throws at you. I had been stranded in California as a result of the volcano ash cloud, and I discovered how to make the most of the additional time while stranded there.

In many ways, the most powerful aspect of the ash cloud experience was noticing how disorienting it is when you expect one thing to happen and then something else happens.  This is especially true when unexpected events relate to life’s foundation – such as where you are geographically.

I’ve had ample opportunity to revisit all of this learning over the last few days.  In my family, we’ve been looking forward to my aunt’s wedding.  She planned to marry a man she has loved for many years, and my mom and brother were to fly over from California to be part of the celebrations.  For my mom, especially, this was to be wonderful occasion, and a chance to reconnect in person with all of her living relatives.  She had been mentally rehearsing the day for months.

And then, the unexpected.  Last week, my mother began to feel unwell.  By Wednesday, it was clear that something was wrong, and on Thursday she had her appendix out!  Thankfully, she is fine and recovering well at home.  However, mom won’t be flying anywhere soon, and my brother and I  attended the wedding without her last weekend.

What I noticed most – apart from feeling agitated about my mom – is the disorientation.  When you plan for one thing to happen, and then something else does, it’s confusing.  The confusion takes up a lot of room in the brain, producing lots of staring into space and a vague irritability.  It takes time to process a big adjustment, and it takes energy too.

I know from my ash cloud experience that the only place we can ever be is right where we are.  So on Saturday, my brother and I celebrated with my aunt.  And my mother will was there, not here.

image: flickr.com/marcus.mccurdy