Archive for the ‘Personal Development’ Category
« Older EntriesAchieve GREATer Happiness in 5 Steps!
Thursday, July 22nd, 2010
I read a fascinating article recently about research into happiness. Scientists have identified that day to day happiness is a simple formula that has 5 ingredients. The good news is that all 5 are within our control.
G – Giving
R – Relating to others
E – Exercise
A – Attending to the world around us
T – Teaching ourselves something new
As you consider this list, what stands out for you? Do you do some of these automatically every day, but not others? Are any of them missing in your life? If so, how might you make space for them?
Notice how all 5 of these elements are measureable – you either do them daily or you don’t. None of them require something external or material: more money, new car, promotion, a holiday etc. The 5 are all your internal choices about how you live your life.
A coaching tip: why not write GREAT at the top of your daily plan, and tick off each letter as it’s achieved?
Tags: achieving happiness, appreciation of life, ideas on motivation, Love your work, making positive change, personal development coaching, positive change, self improvement, self reflection, stimulation and motivation, time management
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Got the Blues?
Tuesday, July 20th, 2010
Today, I noticed that a number of my coaching clients seemed a little down. Some of them shared downright sadness. Since I’ve been feeling a little down myself, it got me wondering if there’s something in the air today (apart from pollen!) creating a collective case of the blues.
Many people struggle to accept ‘difficult’ feelings and vulnerability. My corporate clients, in particular, tend to chastise themselves for feeling ‘negative’ feelings. They urge themselves to ‘snap out of it’ ‘get over it’ or define their attitude as ‘bad’ or ‘not good enough’. This self criticism has the opposite result of what’s intended – it drives a fault finding, unkind, unresourceful state.
Getting angry with yourself is one way to shift the blues, but I’m not sure it’s an improvement. Difficult feelings are an opportunity for us to practice self kindness and increase self acceptance. After all, feelings are neither ‘positive’ nor ‘negative’, they just are. Contrasting emotions are part of the experience of being alive, and they are nothing to run away from.
The next time you’ve got the blues, slow down. Pay attention. What are your feelings trying to tell you?
Tags: appreciation of life, business coaching, cause and effect, coaching, depression, emotional intelligence, Executive coaching, ideas on motivation, life coaching, negativity at work, reflection, responding to negativity, self improvement
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How to Really Enjoy Daily Life
Monday, July 12th, 2010
About a year ago, I went for a walk with a group of friends on a Sunday afternoon. I arrived for the walk tired and frazzled from the long car journey and preoccupied by my own thoughts. A friend had brought her young daughter with her to the walk, and this child transformed my day in lasting ways.
She was curious about everything, stopping every few steps to examine leaves, stones, small plants, and insects. She made stories out of what she was observing, speculating about why things were as they were. She had boundless energy and enthusiasm for new things, even when they were very similar to things she’d seen a moment before.
This wonderful, childish delight got me thinking about how easy it is to take things for granted. As adults, we tend to be very busy thinking about things. We hold imaginary conversations in our heads, and wander through life thinking about what we’ll be doing next rather than noticing where we are – even if it’s exactly like where we just were. When we do this, we miss out on the pleasures of daily life that are all around us.
I was reminded of this today because we’ve recently moved, and there is a lot to get used to in our new area. We live in the New Forest, which has ponies, cows, and donkeys roaming on common land outside our front door. On one of the first days here, I was utterly delighted by a group of Shetland ponies, with babies, who walked past my kitchen window. I stopped what I was doing and enjoyed watching the animals, thinking how lucky I was. Yet today I drove past them and hardly noticed they were there.
Our minds are so adaptive that they quickly get used to ‘the norm’, even when ‘the norm’ changes. I’d like to keep my pleasure in living next to these wonderful animals. So, I’m resolved to be more like my friend’s child: inquisitive, delighted, and enchanted by every day life.
Tags: appreciation of life, being present, happiness, Love your work, Restoration of self, self improvement, stimulation and motivation, taking things for granted
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Boost Your Energy at Work – 3 Simple Tricks
Thursday, June 24th, 2010
Ever noticed your energy level flagging at work? Ever needed to concentrate on a project deadline and weren’t able to? Lost your mental edge right when you needed it?
In today’s working life, we often expect ourselves to keep on working through tiredness. We tend to disregard physical and mental tiredness and press on despite them, producing inferior work and increasing our overall exhaustion. As Dr Robert Holden says, there is no wisdom in continuing to work when we’re exhausted. So what can we do to get our energy back? Here’s 3 simple ways to increase your energy level and regain mental sharpness:
- Take a break. This is obvious, yet most of us struggle to do it. Our brainwaves naturally cycle through periods of focussed energy followed by periods of rest (sleep, trance, etc). Our bodies also have a natural rhythm of energy followed by periods of rest. Recent research suggests that we are more productive when we work less and take frequent breaks. If you’re reading this, and you are fatigued, stop reading now and go take a 15 minute break. This post will still be here when you return.
- Get some exercise. Go and move your body. This gets the blood moving and enhances mood. If you are physically tired, and you aren’t going to be able to get enough sleep, exercise instead. I was once told ’20 minutes of exercise beats 40 minutes of sleep’ and I’ve found it to be true. If you are tired because you are experiencing stress, then exercise will be especially important for you.
- Do a completely different activity, preferably something creative. Often at work we overuse our left brains. Find a right brain activity that you enjoy that you can dabble in for its own sake. Not every activity in life needs to have a goal attached to it. I enjoy messing around with tapestry cushions (yes – I know it’s an embarrassing hobby) and I find it very restorative to spend 20 minutes sewing. Somehow it refreshes my mind.
Please let me know how you get on!
Tags: coaching, effectiveness, efficiency, energy, exercise, motivation in business, motivation to work, peak performance, stimulation and motivation
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Increase Your Productivity by Working Less
Thursday, June 17th, 2010
I was fascinated to read an article recently about new research into productivity. The argument is that people are most productive when they naturally cycle between periods of activity and rest, focussed effort and relaxation.
Many of us are unconsciously driven by the Protestant work ethic. We drive ourselves to keep working whether or not we feel like it. Often, we’ve stopped noticing whether we feel like it at all. Many of us are carrying belief systems that support incessant working and feelings of guilt around taking time off. For example, many of my coaching clients secretly suspect that they are lazy, and they use the lazy stick as a way to beat themselves to keep going. I don’t know about you, but I know very few genuinely lazy individuals. On the whole, they are not to be found in the environments where I’m coaching. And yet there is this disconnect within people’s self images which causes them to be mean to themselves.
Take a moment now and check in with yourself. How’s your energy level? Focus? Ability to concentrate? Tiredness? If it’s time to rest, take a rest. The research suggests you’ll be more productive that way.
As for me, I’m off to take a break!
image: Flickr.com/Amy_Jane
Tags: Leadership Skills, Productivity, stimulation and motivation, work/life balance
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Increase Productivity by Creating Space
Thursday, June 3rd, 2010
How much space do you have in each day? How much unscheduled time, how many quiet moments, how often are you still? I’m constantly shocked at how much we all avoid empty space at all costs. Yet space is never truly ‘empty’.
Creating space in our day, and crossing a new frontier when we invite space into our lives can be a highly effective way of renewing energy and being more productive.
Earlier today I was expecting a call from a coaching client – it didn’t come. Often, my thinking pattern in those moments will be to fuss around doing ‘one last thing’, which never really is ‘one last thing’ because there are always other ‘last things’.
Today, instead, I looked out of my window. The rain was pouring down, and I watched raindrops bouncing off the roof of my car outside. It was delightful to sit quietly and I found myself sinking into deeper concentration and contentment.
Given how nice it can be to experience space during the day, why are so many of us intent on avoiding it at all costs? I think there are a couple of reasons for this. The first is that space is self – confronting. When you are sitting quietly doing nothing in particular, who are you with? Yourself. So many of us are so good at avoiding ourselves that it can be challenging to spend time alone. Space is an invitation to do this, and really spending time with ourselves is the ‘frontier’ I mentioned earlier. Most of us could do with a little more reflective time.
Another reason we avoid space is our intense desire to be active and accomplishing. The Buddhists call this energetic quality our ‘Will to Do’. In and of itself it’s a neutral energy, and it acquires positive or negative qualities depending on the emotion behind it. When we are frenzied, anxious, pushing ourselves, angry, or grasping, then our desire to be active comes from a negative source which impacts our productivity. Creating space will help you be more productive, and it’s far nicer to approach life from a well rested space moving forward from quiet contemplation into loving action.
How will you experience space today?
Tags: Buddhism, contemplation, contentment, introspection, Leadership Skills, making positive change, reflection, self improvement
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Where’s Your Focus?
Monday, May 24th, 2010
‘We can always choose to perceive things differently. We can focus on what’s wrong in our life, or we can focus on what’s right.’ Marianne Williamson
Where does your focus tend to be? Making good choices about what we focus on has a powerful impact on the results we get. Have you ever got up in the morning, had one or two things go wrong early on, and ended up having a ‘bad day’? When we notice the things that go wrong, and invest energy in dwelling on them, our minds tend to seek more instances of the same thing. We generalise about the experience that we’re having, and then we end up with a ‘bad day’. This is all to do with powerful neurological filtering that takes place outside of our conscious awareness.
Have you ever thought about changing your car? I’ll bet that as you began to consider different car models, you suddenly began to notice them everywhere – am I right? How does that happen? Well, the cars were there all along. By giving mental attention to a particular model of car, you programmed your mind to filter for it – to notice it – and so suddenly you noticed what had been there all along.
This example has profound implications when you consider where you place your focus day to day. If you spend your time and energy noticing what is not working, you are programming your mind to notice more of it. Conversely, if you focus on what is pleasing to you, you’ll get more of it. Both aspects of life are there all the time; it’s where you place your focus that counts.
Businesses and organisations have a special responsibility to consider the consequences of this concept. Most organisations have an internal focus on fixing the parts of the business that aren’t working properly. This problem focus will actually feed the creation of problems to solve. By contrast, ‘outcome oriented’ businesses focus on what is working well, and how to create more of it. This internal focus creates more success.
Pay attention to where you place your focus, and the results you experience as a consequence. As we say in coaching, ‘energy flows where attention goes, and results show’.
Tags: business coaching, coaching, goal setting, neuro linguistic programming, NLP, outcome orientation
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The Evolution of Our Decisions
Thursday, May 20th, 2010
‘We cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning; for what in the morning was true will in evening become a lie’ C.G. Jung
I’ve always been a great believer in the importance of being decisive and committing to taking action. For a long time, I’ve followed the belief that ‘you make a decision, and then you make the decision right’. This is a great way of thinking for getting into motion, conquering hesitation, and being audacious about personal and organisational goals. It’s a great way of approaching beginnings.
Where this doesn’t work so well, however, is when we’re in action, yet not enjoying the experience, or not getting the results we want. I know that sometimes I’ve committed to a goal, and as I’ve moved towards it I’ve realised that it isn’t really doing it for me anymore. Sometimes, I’ve made choices that have been great for a time, and then somehow they don’t feel right anymore. In my coaching practice I often listen to leaders who have taken strategic decisions, are not comfortable with progress, and are reluctant to change course. It’s as though they – and I – don’t want to revisit the decision because it might mean that the decision is wrong somehow, or a mistake has been made. It’s interesting to notice how difficult many of us find it to tolerate the middle section of moving towards a goal – we seem to prefer the clarity of beginnings and accomplishments.
Increasingly, it seems to me that there are treasures to be found in the uncomfortable middle section, if we can just sit comfortably with change. Holding on tightly to our original decision is a way of protecting ourselves, of resisting the feedback we are receiving – whether it’s internal, from our feelings, or external, in the form of results. Sometimes we try to create safety by trying harder to accomplish something that’s not really working. It’s as though we’ll do anything to avoid questioning our original decisions.
The Buddhist approach is to notice that it’s not what happens to us that makes us unhappy, it’s our attachment to things needing to be a certain way that makes us unhappy. This is a useful way of thinking about our habit of hanging on to choices that are now not pleasing us, and it’s true in life and in business.
Today, why not face up to how your decisions are going for you? Do you still want the same things that you did when you made the decision? Do you want to go about getting those things in a different way? Or is there a better decision that you can make now? Use the ‘afternoon’ of your decisions to get closer to what you really want now.
Tags: career change, career development coach, cause and effect, Dealing with Change, decision making, experiencing resistance, making positive change, personal development strategy, problem solving, responding to negativity, responding to resistance
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Laughing at Adversity and the Icelandic Volcano
Tuesday, April 27th, 2010
As you’ll know from my previous blog post, I’ve been stranded in CA for an additional week thanks to the Icelandic volcano eruption. At the time of writing this, I’m still in CA.
The past week has been a fascinating experience, and it has led me to reflect on the nature of commitment. I remember reading something years ago that talked about the importance of being committed to achieving your desired outcomes. In particular, it talked about the importance of sticking with your original decision, long after the emotion that accompanied the decision making had passed.
Last Monday morning I woke up knowing that I was not back in the UK, and not going to be back any time soon. I had a very full coaching schedule for the week, and 2 special occasions: my monthly radio show for The Bay Radio in Bournemouth, and a talk for Nick Williams’ Inspired Entrepreneur group on ‘Recession Proof Coaching’. I was committed to doing both of those events, even though they had suddenly become much more complicated and my emotions were all over the place.
In service to my original decisions – my commitments – I got up at 3.15am and attempted to sparkle on live radio! More importantly, I made a decision on Monday that I would somehow ‘be’ at Nick’s event. This caused me to learn far more about video conferencing than I ever wanted to know, and to substantially stretch out of my comfort zone. I discovered that many people wanted to join me in shrugging off the obstacles of time and space and make the event happen. There was tremendous support at the UK end, and here in CA the good people at NextSpace pulled out all the stops to help me deliver on my commitment to Nick and his audience. The event happened, and you can hear a recording of it here . The local newspaper here covered the event, and the article – complete with photo – is here.
I learned this week that challenges happen, and the way to handle them is to be creative and committed in pursuit of your goals. It helps to laugh at adversity, to keep difficulties in perspective, balanced against the combined power of people who are determined to do the right thing. To celebrate this week’s successes, I sponsored a chocolate ‘volcano’ fountain for happy hour at NextSpace, my new CA office. Making fun of the volcano, and making my experience fun, seemed like the right thing to do.
Tags: coaching, collaboration at work, Communication skills, decision making, experiencing resistance, Inspired Entrepreneur, motivation in business, Nick Williams
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Blessed are the flexible – what the ash cloud showed me
Thursday, April 22nd, 2010
‘Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not get bent out of shape’ – my friend, Kris Hallbom
I’m writing this blog post in California, where I find myself staying a little longer than anticipated thanks to the volcanic ash cloud currently disrupting air travel to Europe. It’s a disorienting experience being here and wondering when I’ll be heading back to the UK, I miss my husband and my home.
That cliché goes ‘it’s not what happens to you, it’s how you handle it’ – which is pretty trite advice for people who are really feeling stranded right now (I’m blessed to be in my home town with family, friends, and the ability to keep working). NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) suggests that it’s not so much how we handle things as how we understand things, the meaning we make of our experience. It’s really all about the story we tell ourselves about our life.
It would be easy to tell a melodramatic story about my experience, filtering for fear, uncertainty, and powerlessness. I choose to tell a story about being safe in the place where I was born, receiving enthusiastic acts of kindness and help from many people, and able to rely on the support of others in my business and my many friends. So I feel grateful and blessed.
But that’s now – what’s next? How we think about the future is important too. My immediate future is pretty uncertain, as it always has been really. Whenever I think about the stories we can tell about the future, I think about a story that gets told about the notable hypnotherapist Milton Erickson. The early founders of NLP closely studied the strategies and language that he used in his therapy. They repeatedly asked him what he would be doing with each client and each session. His response was always the same, and demonstrated the curiosity that was at the heart of his work: ‘I don’t know, but I’m very curious to find out’. And that’s me, too, here – I don’t know when I’m going home, but I’m very curious to find out.
Tags: Dealing with Change, Leadership Skills, neuro linguistic programming, NLP, self improvement
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About Kate Warren
Kate Warren is the founder of Brightlife. She is a leader in the field of personal and professional development, and is a sought-after speaker, teacher, and coach. Kate is passionate about helping people to unlock their personal and professional potential. She is an NLP Master Practitioner, a Certified NLP Coach, a Master of Group Leadership Dynamics, and the U.K.'s first certified WealthyMind™ trainer. In 2008 her business success was recognised when she was invited to join ‘Courvoisier the Future 500’, an elite group of the 500 rising stars of British business.
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