Communication Skills Tip # 3: What I Meant to Say Was…
Consider this statement: “the meaning of the communication is the response you get”
What does this mean? It means that regardless of what I meant to say, the only useful information is what you heard. When we take responsibility for our own communication, we become more flexible in generating new ways to communicate. Notice the responses that you get when you communicate. This feedback will provide you with lots of information about any gaps between what you meant to say and what the other person or people actually heard. You can use this valuable feedback to make corrections in your performance and get more of what you want.
Beware also of dealing with what linguists call complex equivalence. This is when people construct sentences in which something equals something else. Usually there is a degree of emotional content involved. Here are some examples:
- If you loved me, you would take out the garbage
- I know you care about me when you make me a cup of tea
- If we can’t get this done on time, we’re a bunch of losers
- This presentation can make or break my career
- The accounts department hasn’t returned my call — they deliberately get in my way!
When you hear a complex equivalence like this from another person, and you are involved, it’s really important to explore the meaning of the communication. Notice when you introduce complex equivalence in your conversation and seek an exploration of what you really mean.
Tags: Business and communication coaching, Business communication, communicating clearly, Communication skills, linguistics, misunderstandings, neuro linguistic programming, NLP, NLP presuppositions
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About Kate Warren
Kate Warren is the founder of Brightlife. She is a leader in the field of personal and professional development, and is a sought-after speaker, teacher, and coach. Kate is passionate about helping people to unlock their personal and professional potential. She is an NLP Master Practitioner, a Certified NLP Coach, a Master of Group Leadership Dynamics, and the U.K.'s first certified WealthyMind™ trainer. In 2008 her business success was recognised when she was invited to join ‘Courvoisier the Future 500’, an elite group of the 500 rising stars of British business.
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